With Every Heartbeat
by I-believe-in-always
Summary: Set in 2016. Kate and Rick's baby is born prematurely; this is their story.
1. Chapter One

**I've updated this chapter because I made a couple teeny tiny changes, to fit in with the timeline I've established. Got it all written down and proper like! :) **_  
_

* * *

_Just about to board the plane for Hong Kong, can't wait to see you and Junior._

_I love you x_

_Rick_

Kate smiled as she read the email from her husband, sent from his hotel room in London. Being married to a writer definitely had its downsides, and his often weeks long book tours were at the very top of the list.

Kate quickly typed off a reply and shut down her computer. Stretching her arms over her head, she felt a movement from under her cashmere jumper; Junior was restless. Smiling softly, Kate placed both hands on either side of her growing baby bump and closed her eyes.

"Hey baby, Momma's here. Daddy's going to be home real soon okay? I know you miss him. I miss him too." Kate spoke softly, sighing as she thinks about spending another night, alone, in their cold bed. Yawning, she opens her eyes and glances at the clock. 18:40 blinks at her in red luminous lights, startling her to reality and the fact it's well and truly dark outside and all but the night staff have departed the precinct. Gathering up her coat, Kate stands and fishes around in her paperwork tray for her car keys, grimacing slightly as a twinge of pain shoots through her lower back. Placing a hand on her lower back to try and calm the muscle spasms, blaming sitting down in a chair all day for her pain, Kate shrugs it off. Bidding goodnight to the security watchman, Kate catches the elevator down to the first floor and heads off to her car, desperately in need of some food.

The second spasm shoots up her lower back as she's driving downtown, minutes away from their apartment building. Gripping the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles turn white, Kate grits her teeth until the pain has subsided, cursing softly under her breath.

"You okay in there, baby? Momma needs a back massage and a bath…maybe some Chinese…" Kate muses to herself, her stomach growling in appreciation at the thought of food. Before too long, she's parking up on the street outside their building, dialing their favourite Chinese take-away for some Styrofoam wonder. Waving to Toby, the new and relatively inexperience door-man, Kate sets off towards the elevator that's been called for her and makes her way up to the warm and inviting loft.

"Will be half-hour, Mrs Castle."

* * *

Hanging up, Kate places a hand gently on the swell of her stomach. "Just enough time for a bath, huh baby."

Reclining in the expansive bathtub now filled with hot, perfumed, soapy water, Kate hums to herself and closes her eyes. She's always enjoyed baths, even more so with Rick, although he's always so damn distracting with his rippling muscles and the way his hands slide down her arms and the way his mouth is always on her neck. Kate grins, thinking about the last time they had a bath together; they'd broken the towel rail, tipped over an entire jar of bath salts and covered just about every surface in purple bubbles. Needless to say, there was more water out of the bath than in it.

A jolt up her lower back that radiates around to her abdomen startles her, making her sit up abruptly, gasping. The spasms last mere seconds, before her back is relaxing again and her stomach has stopped burning. "What the hell…?" Kate manages, still breathing heavily. Clambering out of the bath and wrapping a towel around her, Kate moves swiftly out into the bedroom where her jacket has been tossed over a chair. Feeling in the pockets for her phone, she pulls it out and dials Lanie's number.

"Hey girl, wha-"

"Lanie! Something's wrong with the baby! You have to come right now okay, you have to come over because I don't know what to do!" Kate cries down the phone, panic starting to set in now as another, smaller twinge of pain shoots through her.

"Kate. Calm down honey. What's going on?" Lanie's steady voice seeps through Kate's veins, and she tries to relax.

"I felt a couple of muscle spasms in my back early this morning, but I didn't think too much of them…but as I was leaving work tonight, I felt another one, a bigger one. Then a bigger one again while I was driving home. And in the bath just now, a pain shot straight up my lower back and my stomach started cramping. The last one really hurt Lane and I don't know what to do." Kate rambles, trying to dry herself off one-handed.

"Okay Kate, we're on our way. Javi's calling an ambulance to meet us at the loft and-"

Lanie is cut off again as Kate groans down the phone, another spasm ripping through her entire lower body. Tears are beginning to slide down her cheeks now as she realizes what this probably means. "Lanie, I can't be in labour. He's not ready. He's only 24 weeks." Kate whispers, clutching the bed for support as her body shakes in pain.

"Katie, we're nearly there okay? It's going to be okay sweetie, he's not coming out tonight."

"Please hurry."

"Javi, let me off here. I'll meet you upstairs." Lanie says to Javier on the other end of the phone; Kate can hear her gathering up her bag and stepping out of the car.

All of a sudden Kate feels a trickling sensation running down her legs; looking down, she sobs.

"Lanie…my waters have broken. There's blood."

"I'm running as fast as I can Kate, I'm on your floor!" Lanie puffs, just as she hears a thud from the other end of the line. "Kate? Kate!"

* * *

Kate opens her eyes groggily. How long has she been asleep? Too long-that nightmare was horrible. Kate moves her head slightly, taking in the expansive whiteness surrounding her. Gingerly, she turns her head to the other side and tries to shift her body, but gives up as pain rips through her.

_Must've slept wrong. _

Kate goes to bring her right hand up to her face to rub her eyes, but finds it's held in place by another hand. Blinking her eyes a few times, two dark green orbs floating above her slowly come in to focus. He's staring at her, his eyes red-rimmed but dry. Slowly a smile of relief breaks on his face, doing nothing to mask the pain on his face.

"Katie." He leans forward placing a soft kiss on her forehead. "Don't try and move too much. The doctor says you're going to be sore for a few days."

"Dad? What are you…doing here? What doctor?" Kate manages, finding even talking is exhausting. Kate glances around the white room again, trying to piece together what is going on.

"You're in the hospital sweetie."

"….why?" Kate wonders, confused. Then the memories start to flood her brain. _The cramps. The blood. _Tears begin to well up in her eyes, because the only reason she would be in the hospital was still inside her-wasn't it? "Rick." She whispers, plaintively.

Jim Beckett squeezes his daughters' hand and takes a breath as if to steady himself, bracing himself for what he has to say.

"Your placenta tore and you went into premature labour. You collapsed from the blood loss. Detective Esposito and Doctor Parish managed to control the bleeding, but as soon as the ambulance got you to the hospital, you went into surgery…they had to do an emergency caesarean Katiebug. You've been in an induced coma for two days." Jim finished quietly.

Kate grips her fathers' hand tightly, asking the question with her eyes. Pleading with him to tell her it's okay. "Dad."

Squeezing her hand reassuringly, Jim gives a small smile. "He's in intensive care, in an incubator. He's on a respirator and he'll have to stay in hospital until he's strong enough to breathe on his own, until he gets a bit bigger." Jim pauses, exhaling slowly, shaking his head. "He's just perfect though Katie, he's beautiful."

Kate feels the tears spilling down her cheeks and breathes a shaky sigh. "He's okay. My baby's okay."

Jim grins and opens his mouth to respond when another voice floats through the room, accompanying footsteps through the doorway.

"He really is perfect."

Kate gasps and turns her head toward her husband who is walking across the room towards her. "Rick."

"I'll leave you two alone. Rest sweetpea, I'll see if I can't talk the nurses into bringing you to see the wee guy. Besides, he still needs a name." Jim says softly, leaning forward again to press a kiss to his daughters' cheek. Standing, he walks over to Rick and embraces him firmly. Rick, who looks suspiciously glassy-eyed returns the embrace and murmurs a quiet 'thank you' to Jim.

The door swings shut behind Jim as he leaves and Kate feels her emotions bubbling to the surface. The tears fall thick and fast and she slowly stretches out a hand for Rick, who's by her side in seconds, embracing her as best as he can. He buries his nose in her hair and holds her to him tightly. She squeezes his hand and turns her face slightly, nuzzling his neck. They stay entwined for a few minutes before Rick pulls back and tenderly strokes a finger down the side of his wife's face. "I got here as soon as I could. Probably about 27 hours after you were admitted. Chartered a private jet. Seeing both of you in here…Kate I was so scared I was going to lose both of you."

Kate nudges Rick's nose with her own, breathing him in. "I'm okay Rick. He's okay. We're a family and we're okay." Kate pauses and grins softly. "He's definitely your son. That dramatic entrance has Castle written all over it."

Rick laughs softly, leaning forward slightly, kissing her sweetly. "That's my boy."

Kate lifts her head slightly as he pulls away, not ready for his mouth to leave hers yet. It's been nearly a month since she's seen him in person, let alone touched him. "Not yet."

Rick obliges, leaning forward again to kiss her tenderly, with no intent of deepening the kiss, instead content to savour the feel of her mouth on his. Kate sucks softly on his bottom lip, tracing her tongue over the ridges and curvatures of his mouth. Rick bites down gently on her upper lip, soothing it with his tongue before moving his mouth to place butterfly kisses from the corner of her mouth along her jaw up to her ear. "I love you."

"I love you more." Kate whispers back, curling her fingers around his and squeezing tightly.

"Ahem." A soft cough interrupts them, and Rick stands up abruptly, refusing to release her hand. A nurse is standing in the doorway, holding a clipboard. "How are you feeling Mrs Castle?"

"Sore," Kate admits, "but that's nothing compared to the ache I have to see my boy."

The nurse smiles, and nods in sympathy. "You're going to be sore and tender for a few days, even a couple of weeks. If you're feeling up to it now, I'll take you to see your son."

Rick turns and looks at Kate, who looks enthusiastic and apprehensive at once.

"I can't sit up." She mumbles, clearly torn between her desire to see her newborn son, and the constant pain she's in.

"We can wheel your bed down there, it's just down one floor." The nurse encourages, convincing Kate.

"Okay. Take me to see my son."


	2. Chapter Two

**So I had a totally different idea for this chapter; wrote down what I wanted then thought I'd better have a back up plan incase my first idea didn't go so well. I didn't even start typing up my first idea, cause this one just took hold of me and wrote itself really. **

* * *

Determination and perseverance were etched in every line on his wife's face; her teeth were gritted with a mixture of pain, motivation and love. She wanted to see her son properly. With the assistance of the nurse, Liberty, Rick had pulled his wife up into a sitting position on her bed, and she was now making painstakingly small movements toward standing up.

"Katie, take it easy." Rick said softly, concern lacing the tremor in his voice. He knew how determined she got when she fixed an idea in her head, how she would chase that idea until she had it within her hands.

"Help me up." was her terse reply, gripping his forearms in a tight, vice like grip.

"Okay." Rick placed his hands under her upper arms, applying a light though reassuring pressure as she pushed herself up onto her unsteady feet, swaying slightly into Rick. "I've got you Kate."

Suddenly the intensive care nursery was in her full view. She was standing up properly, leaning into Rick for support, reassured by the firm pressure exerted by his arm wrapped around her waist. Turning her head slightly, she brushed her nose against his cheek. "Thank you."

Leaning his forehead against hers, Rick caught her lips in a tender kiss, a soft dance of love; she was – _is_ – going to be an amazing mother. "Always."

* * *

"Oh my god Rick, he's perfect. Look at him, that's…that's our son." Kate's voice is soft, in awe of the tiny little person on the other side of the window, 'Baby Castle' barely readable on the miniature bracelet encompassing his spindly wrist. The tiny little person that came into this world so dramatically, now sleeping peacefully. As peacefully as allowed, Kate thought; the multitude of machines beeping, flashing lights, and the cords running up and down his tiny body served to make him appear small, fragile and helpless in his incubator.

"He really is perfect. He's beautiful, Kate." Rick agrees, holding her hand softly, tenderly. A smile blooms on his face. "We made a person! That is so cool! Oh he will look so cute in the little laser tag outfit I brought!" Rick bounces on the balls of his feet, his face alight with excitement.

Kate laughs softly, and places her free hand on her husbands shoulder, trying to calm him down. "You are twelve aren't you…let's get him home first, kay?" She sighs, turning her attention back to their 'little man', as he'd been so fondly nicknamed by the nurses. "I just want to hold my boy."

Leaning in, Rick places a sweet kiss on his wife's forehead, breathing in deeply. "I know," he expels on a huff, sensing her turmoil. "I know you do honey."

* * *

_The waiting was the hardest part. He'd flipped through the selection of magazines without taking in what they were about. He was anxious, worried. She'd been in surgery when he'd arrived, so he'd been alone with his thoughts for some time. The waiting room was cold and grey. The coffee he'd received sat cold and untouched. Hearing footsteps, he raised his head and stood suddenly. A doctor in blue scrubs approached him from behind double doors, a look of pity already crossing his face._

'_Mister Castle? I'm Doctor Marshall. I'm sorry but there was nothing we could do to save either of them. Your wife lost too much blood; she died during the cesarean. And your son…well, he just wasn't strong enough. _

'_No! NO!'_

Rick woke with a gasp, his hands clenching the arms of the chair he'd been sleeping in. Breathing heavily, he rubs his hands over his face, wiping away a tear he hadn't known had leaked out. It had seemed so _real._ "Just a dream Castle, get a grip…" He muttered to himself. Shakily, he sat up straight and raised his eyes to look over the sleeping form of his wife. Her chest was rising and falling slowly, her hands clasped softly over her waist. Seeing their son had calmed her somewhat, even if standing up had taken it's toll on her energy stores, and she'd been happy enough to be wheeled back down to her room where she was again hooked up to an intravenous line. A rumbling sensation took hold of Rick, who glanced at his watch and noted that it was well past his normal lunchtime. Was it only five hours ago that she'd been waking up from the induced coma? The emotional and physical toll the morning had taken on the both of them made the day feel longer than what it had been.

Rick quietly slipped out of the room, shutting the door softly behind him. A café, if he remembers correctly, is situated on the ground floor. Everything in his mind is blurred, as it was when he ran through the hospital last night searching for his wife.

"Richard!" Martha Rodgers' voice sounds out from behind him, shoes clacking on the tiled floor. Turning, Rick sees his mother hurrying towards him down the corridor, looking every bit the concerned parent and grandparent. "Jim called me this morning, he said Kate went into labour three days ago and she's been in a coma!? Is she okay? Is my grandson okay?" Martha stretches out a hand to her son, taking in his crumpled appearance and weary face.

Rick stands there, taking comfort from the familiar form of his mother. All of a sudden, an upwelling feeling of anxiety and grief, pushed to the bottom of his soul since seeing his wife come out of surgery, comes spilling up his chest like a wave claims the sand on a beach. "They're fine, Mom," he says, his face crumpling as tears fall down his cheeks.

"Oh Richard." Martha says softly, wrapping her arms around her son's torso. It had been a long time since he had called her Mom, let alone cried in front of her. She wondered how long he'd been like this, with nobody to talk to. Slowly, Rick released her, bringing a hand to his pocket to fish out a handkerchief. Wiping his nose, he smiles softly. "Sorry…you've got creases in your shirt mother."

"Oh, that is the least of my worries Richard, darling!" Martha says, ignoring the fact that her freshly dry-cleaned shirt is crinkled and tear-stained. "Do you want to sit down and talk…?"

Rick considers his mother; considers the fact that, while his wife was awake and talking this morning, while his father-in-law has been stoic, and while their friends from the 12th have been holding vigil at Kate's beside with him, the person he's needed to be here supporting him most has just arrived. As another lone tear sweeps down his face, he shakes his head. "No, there's someone I'd like you to meet first."

* * *

"He's just perfect Richard." Martha says quietly, gazing at her adorable grandson squirming against a teddy bear almost as big as he is, brought from a quaint little gift shop in Lower Manhattan.

"He's so small. So delicate." Rick whispers, holding a hand up against the glass, as if to get closer to his son. _God, I want to hold my son, please. _"I want to hold him so badly. The nurses say we can't go near him yet, incase we compromise his immune system. It could be weeks before I get to touch my son."

Martha nods slowly, wrapping her hand around his arm, trying to offer some sort of comfort. "Does Kate know?"

Rick shakes his head again, screwing his face up, as though looking into a bright light. "No. The nurse told her the major formalities this morning, but she was still a bit groggy from the surgery and the coma. She knows we can't touch him for now, but I haven't told her it could be weeks. It'll break her heart, Mother."

"Kate's a strong girl, Richard. And you're strong as well, you'll get through this together; we're all here with you, for you. You have to remember you're not alone. And your son, he's a fighter darling. You can see it in his face; he knows he's got people cheering for him. You have to believe he's fighting." Martha urges her son, a tear slipping down her own cheek.

"I do. It's just…" Rick falters, gazing at his son as though he can see nothing or no one else, not even the nurse making notes on charts next to his son.

"Just?"

"…I thought I was going to lose them both. I thought they were both going to die. And now they're both okay…but Kate and I can't hug our son…we can't hold him and tell him how much we love him…we can't hold him and protect him!" Rick cries, breaking down as the wave of grief surfaces once more and cascades over him. Leaning against the glass window of the nursery, he watches his son through glassy eyes as he latches onto one of the teddy bears paw's with a tiny hand and clumsily, slightly wraps his tiny fingers around it. Hot tears continue to stain Rick's face, running down his nose to his chin, Martha's hand still holding firm around his arm.

"Richard, listen to me. You and Kate _are _protecting him! You are doing the best thing possible for your son; you're giving him the best chance at a healthy life! I know this is an awful situation. Being a new parent is hard enough without having to constantly worry if you're going to harm your baby. But darling, it's going to be okay. Being in that incubator is the best thing for him right now." Martha says sincerely, running her hand up and down his back.

"She's right, Rick." Jim Beckett's voice floats up the colourful corridor behind them, the man himself walking towards the two of them holding a tray of coffees.

"Jim." Rick gathers himself, wiping his nose on the handkerchief still clutched in his hand. "Thanks for sweet talking the nurse earlier. It meant a lot to Kate."

"Well he's a beautiful boy, he's made for looking at!" Jim stops at the window to the nursery, gesturing at his grandson. "Here, you look like you could use one of these."

Rick gratefully accepts the coffee from Jim, and takes a long sip, feeling himself being rejuvenated. "Ah that's good coffee, even by hospital standards."

"Martha, good to see you, even in these circumstances. Katie is awake, she's asking for you Rick." Jim smiles lightly, offering Martha the second cup of coffee, and keeping the third one for himself.

"We shouldn't keep our girl waiting then. We'll come back and see him soon Richard." Martha says softly, noticing the way her son's eyes glaze over again as he says a quiet I love you to his son.

"You go on ahead Mother, Jim…I just want a couple more minutes."

"This way Martha, you can tell Katie and I all about your trip to California. Rick said that's where you flew in from…" Jim's voice trails away as he and Martha make their way back down the corridor to the elevators, back to the private rooms on the floor above.

* * *

Rick stands with his head and hand pressed against the window, memorizing every little detail, every movement of his son. The way his hands are curled softly against his chest. The way his legs kick slightly, the way his body squirms constantly, the way his eyes seem to move beneath the thin skin covering them. The way his mouth opens and closes. His little legs, his little feet. Everything about him is tiny. "You're so perfect, little man. Keep fighting." Rick whispers, feeling helpless. "I love you so much."

* * *

_Close your eyes  
__have no fear.  
__The monster's gone,  
__he's on the run,  
and your Daddy's here.  
Beautiful,  
beautiful,  
beautiful,  
beautiful boy._

**John Lennon**


	3. Chapter Three

**Hooooly moly, this is the longest chapter I've ever written. I think I had too though, cause I didn't want to draw out the scene with the Doctor. Next chapter I promise we're going to do into a bit more detail about what happened while Kate was in the coma; how Martha and Jim came to be notified, what friends have been visiting...all that jazz. If you're feeling a bit confused, don't worry, Kate is too :) **

* * *

Kate lay in the bed; her hand help limply in Rick's as he read to her from a well loved copy of Nikki Heat. Her father and his mother had left, at her request, to go home and rest. "I'm fine Dad," she'd assured her father in a quiet voice, trying to sound confident. Now she lay staring out the window, past the mass of flowers from their family and friends, barely registering what Rick was saying. Glancing at his face, Kate could see the pain in his face, pain that was becoming startlingly familiar with each passing hour. She knew he was trying to be strong for her, for their son.

"Rick." Kate said quietly, pleadingly. Imploringly searching his face for the security she needed, for the reassurance that they were going to get through this, together.

Rick looked up from the book in his lap, took one look at the desperation in his wife's face, and felt the familiar feeling of hopelessness he was quickly growing accustomed too. Dropping his book to the floor, Rick leant forward and took both of her hands in his, stroking his thumbs over hers softly; When he raised his eyes to meet hers, Kate saw the despair and frustration shining in the normally comforting blue, now welling up with emotion. Several tears escape her eyes, flowing freely across her face, saturating her pillow.

"Can we break down together?" Kate jokes, though her voice shakes.

He nods, smiling feebly. "No breaking down in silence, deal?"

"Deal." Kate tugs his hands closer to her body, cradling them against her chest. "Tell me something sweet to get me by."

Rick considers her, nodding again. "Scoot over."

Rick climbs onto the bed next to her, wrapping an arm tightly around her comparably small frame, and finding one of her hands with his free one. Looking into her eyes, Rick searches for the glimmer of hope he knows, the determination she showed when she first saw her son. It's there, behind the sadness and the frustration; he can see it flickering beyond the darklands. Cautiously, he opens his mouth and lets the words fall, soothing both of their souls one syllable at a time.

"When Alexis was born, I was terrified. Terrified because, for the first time in my life, I was totally and utterly responsible for someone. I've always wanted to protect her from everything, but in those first few minutes of her life, it was like…I needed to wrap her up in cotton wool and hold her until she was big enough to look after herself. I was a complete mess. Meredith was, obviously, thoroughly composed and talking about something on Broadway." Rick jokes, forcing a snort out of Kate. "When the doctor handed Alexis to me, I just kept thinking, 'don't drop her, for the love of God do not drop her.' I don't remember much else to be honest…but when I held Alexis for the first time…it was like everything was perfect; this tiny person had made everything wonderful, just by being born. All those worries I had were temporarily discarded, because all I could think about was this beautiful little girl in my arms. I've never felt anything like it since." Rick shook his head, smiling at the memory, Kate hanging onto his every word.

Kate shifts in the bed, getting more comfortable. "I want that. I want you to have that again." She says smiling wistfully, squeezing his hand.

Tilting his head forward, Rick places a trail of feather light kisses along her jaw. "We'll have it. Soon, when he's ready, we'll be able to hold him." Even as he says it, a sense of apprehensiveness creeps up on him. Rick knows it won't be soon, Kate knows it won't be soon, their family knows it won't be soon. _Soon _was a very long time away.

Kate breathes him in slowly, his smell bringing back feelings of security. Releasing his hand, she reaches up and traces the curve of his jaw, brushing the three-day-old stubble growing there. Kissing him tenderly, Kate conveys a silent apology filled with the promise of the outcome they so desperately wanted, needed to happen. _I love you and I'm sorry and we'll get through this and thank you._

Pulling back slightly, Rick nudges her nose with his. "Me too."

* * *

"_Mr. and Mrs. Castle? The doc-" The ward nurse, Liberty, pauses, looking expectantly at Rick._

"_Please, call us Kate and Rick. We're going to be here a while so we may as well be on a first name basis, right?" Rick jokes, trying to lighten the mood of the room. _

"_Uh, right. Kate, Rick; Doctor Marshall will be here shortly to discuss what's going on with your son. I realize it's a very confusing and unfair time for you right now, but Doctor Marshall will be able to alleviate some, if not all of your concerns. Kate, you were filled in when you woke up from your coma but as you're still very much in a fragile state yourself, we all thought it best to let your body and your mind rest before everything is explained more cohesively." Liberty said eloquently, with the air of a professional who sympathizes with her patients. _

_Sitting a little straighter in his chair, Rick looks toward Kate, sitting upright in the bed for the first time since she woke up early yesterday morning. Nearly 24 hours later and she's proving to be 'the most determined patient' the ward staff have ever seen. Catching her eye, he offers a reassuring smile; returned only half-heartedly with a tight squeeze on his hand. _

"_How's our boy? Is he okay?" Kate says quietly, fearful of the answer. What if he stopped breathing, even with the machine? What if his heart stopped? What if his body just shut down?_

"_Your boy is -" Rick grips Kate's hand tightly. "- absolutely fine. He's getting stronger by the minute and his heart is pumping steadily," Liberty paused, grinning. "Though he's having a bit of an identity crisis. I don't think 'Little Man' will go down too well as he grows up." _

_Kate half laughs, half cries. "We're working on a name. We just can't decide!"_

"_I still think he's a Ringo…" Rick chimes in, glad to feel a bit of lightness in the air. _

"_Ringo Castle…it's got a certain ring to it, for sure." Martha pipes up from the corner, where she's seated on a couch brought in by two nurses, with Jim. _

"_I like Pierce, actually." Jim wonders aloud, trying to keep from laughing as Kate's face fell; Rick's lit up with enthusiasm. _

"_Kate, can we please-" _

"_Absolutely not Richard Castle. We're not naming him after a Beatle, or after double-oh-seven." Kate exclaims, shaking her head and smiling. She could almost, __**almost,**__ forget that her son is still seriously vulnerable; Doctor Marshall steps confidently into the room, looking around at the seemingly happy family jesting with each other. Kate quells her voice instantly; the fear is back. _

"_Doctor Marshall, I hope you've got some good news about our little man." Rick states, standing up to shake hands with the burly 40-something man from Seattle. Kate had liked Doctor Andrew Marshall as soon as she met him; he had an air of quiet confidence about him, without appearing to feel superior to his patients. He had an ability to put people at ease, and Kate needed that. _

"_I have news, yes. Let's get comfy, shall we?" Doctor Marshall pulls up a chair from beside the doorway, sitting himself down with a folder of paperwork on his lap. "Liberty, could you please get the blue folder with the information in it?" _

"_Of course." Liberty excuses herself and disappears out into the corridor. _

_Martha and Jim exchange nervous glances; Kate's fingernails are digging into Rick's hand but he doesn't care; a cold numbness is taking over his body. Would he have to stay in the incubator for months, years? What if he could never run around outside like a normal little boy, kicking a ball in Central Park with his Dad? Would he be able to live a relatively easy life, or would he need to take ten different medications every day? Shaking his head, Rick chided himself. "Stop over thinking this."_

_A light squeeze on his hand brings him thumping back to reality. Kate knew exactly where his mind had been; she's right there with him. _

_Breathing deeply, Rick looks at Doctor Marshall. "So?"_

_Doctor Marshall looks around the room again, nodding. "So. Baby Castle was delivered via cesarean at 24 weeks. He is what we call a micro preemie. Our first concern was for his breathing; at this age, their lower airways are only just starting to develop. He was showing signs of respiratory distress syndrome, which was treated with a mild medication, and he was immediately put on a ventilator, which he'll need to stay on until he can breathe capably on his own." Marshall glances around at the four anxious faces in front of him, keeping pace with his every word. _

"_I was also very concerned that the wee guy would have PDA, or Patent Ductus Arteriosus, where there is a persistent connection between the large blood vessels surrounding the heart. It's normal for a fetus to have PDA but the connection should ideally close once the baby starts breathing, otherwise it needs to be treated swiftly with medication or surgery, in some extreme cases. Luckily, the connection closed pretty much straight away, which I was incredibly happy about. Ah, is this making sense so far?"_

_Numbly, Kate nods her head; Rick murmurs a quiet 'yeah.' Movement out of the corner of Kate's eye makes her turn her head towards her father, stepping away from Martha to offer Kate his hand. Reaching for it, Kate feels as though she's stretching out for a lifeline. The thoughts swirling around her head are heavy and weighing her down; she can't breathe. _

"_Kate?" Doctor Marshall is looking at her with concern. "I know this is a lot of information to comprehend, but it's all looking really good for your son. There's nothing overly concerning for me, at the moment. He is as healthy as can be, given the circumstances. _

"_Katie?" Jim squeezes his daughter's hand, giving her confidence to speak. _

"_I'm…okay." Kate says quietly, motioning the Doctor to continue. Rick toys with the wedding band on her left hand; the small, intimate gesture somehow comforting._

_Doctor Marshall smiles reassuringly. "Good. Now you're probably aware that premature babies are born with often severely underdeveloped digestive systems; micro preemies are born with very immature digestive systems, meaning IV nutrition is needed to ensure they remain as healthy as possible. Baby Castle has an IV line going in through his umbilical cord stump, called an umbilical line for obvious reasons. He's also got an NG line, a feeding tube running down his nose to his stomach to keep his wee belly full. The respirator is obviously running from his mouth down his airway to his lungs. His lungs are causing no warning signs as yet, although they are very underdeveloped." _

_Readjusting some papers in his folder, Marshall takes in a few notes then turns his attention back to the increasingly at-ease looking audience. _

"_At the moment, we're constantly monitoring the little man's heart and breathing rates, as well as the oxygen saturation in the blood. That's what the wired stickers on his chest, feet, wrists, arms and legs are for; constant surveillance." Marshall jokes. "So far, it's all looking really positive for him. There are some extreme medical occurrences that can happen, and I do have to inform you about them, but I'm hopeful that we won't see them in Baby Castle."_

_The silence that fills the room is concrete; uneasiness and apprehensiveness creeping silently back into the air. Rick clears his throat unsteadily, running his hand over his face. _

"_Let us have it Doc."_

_Nodding, Marshall starts to speak again. _

"_Due to the fragile nature of micro preemies, there are some things that can happen because of the delicacy of the body. There is a very slight chance Intraventricular hemorrhaging, or IVH, could occur; that is, bleeding into parts of the brain, due to easily ruptured blood vessels. Ah, Retinopathy of Prematurity is another condition preemies can be susceptible to. Basically, the blood vessels in a micro preemie's eyes aren't fully formed at birth, and rapid development can damage the retina; again, there's a very small chance this will happen. Under 15% of preemies develop ROP, and in most cases it resolves on it's own. Now perhaps the most serious condition I would be worried about is Necrotizing Enterocolitis, or NEC. This is where the linings of the bowels become infected and begin to die off. Again, it's a very small statistic, only 7%. But like I've said, I'm very optimistic about Baby Castle. He's responded well to the treatments we've given him so far, he's definitely a wee fighter. We will need to keep him in the ICU until he's strong enough to breathe and fight off bacteria. At this stage, it's quite possible he'll be in the ICU until his 30__th__ week, which is when most babies are developed enough to be able to go home."_

_Rick breathes heavily, digesting the information. Another six weeks? Glancing at Kate, he can see she's chewing her bottom lip, a sign of unhappiness and disbelief. Jim releases his daughter's hand and rolls his shoulders, trying to release the tension he's been holding in throughout. Martha appears composed, optimistic. _

"_What are the long term health problems my grandson could have, Doctor?" Martha queries, fixing the Doctor with a solid stare. Jim looks apprehensively at Kate and Rick, whose faces are filled with emotions Jim can't quite separate. Fear, sadness, or disbelief? _

_Clearing his throat, Marshall makes eye contact with the four people in front of him, all watching him with anticipation. _

"_There are a few major health issues that afflict 40% of micro preemies long term; though many preemies will show no long term effects of prematurity. There's a chance of cognitive problems; developmental delays, trouble in school when he gets older, ADD or ADHD. Cerebral palsy is also something he might have, though his bodily movement and muscle structure are looking exceptionally well at the moment. He could have chronic lung disease, digestive problems and vision or hearing loss. None of these issues will present themselves straight away; they're likely to present after some time. Vision loss will show once the eyes open, and we'll be testing him for vision and hearing loss periodically." Doctor Marshall finishes with a smile and a nod, trying to install confidence into the room. _

_Kate expels a breath she hadn't known she was holding; Rick hangs his head and looks intently at his hand. Martha and Jim look at each other, feeling like slight intruders in their children's moment of disbelief and clarity. _

"_Do any of you have any questions?" Marshall asks, glancing around. _

"_Ah…no. Thank you, Doctor." Martha says after looking towards Kate and Rick, still in their bubble of disbelief. Marshall stands to leave, gathering his folder of paperwork. _

"_Wait." Kate's voice halts the doctor from walking out, and he turns to face her. _

"_When can we hold him?" Her face is anxious, pleading._

_Doctor Marshall fixes Kate with a sympathizing stare. "I can't say, I'm sorry. At the moment, he is still very vulnerable and prone to infection because of his immature immune system. We need to let him develop more good bacteria cells to be able to fight off the bad bacteria. It won't be…soon. It's likely to be a matter of weeks, not days. I'm sorry, I know this is an awful time for you." _

_Kate's mouth falls open, her face registering shock and anger. "Weeks…" she repeats dimly, tears forming in her eyes. Beside her, Rick is trying not to fall apart, tears already falling thick and fast. Gripping her hand tightly, he turns to her with a brave smile on his face. _

"_We just need to let him get stronger. We'll be holding him before you know it." He whispers quietly, though his voice cracks. _

_At that moment, Liberty walks back into the room, holding a blue folder decorated with bright, colourful stickers. Taking in the scene before her, she silently places the folder on the bench beside the door. "I'll keep you up to date as often as I can," she says softly before exiting the room again._

_Doctor Marshall takes a deep breath. He wishes he could give these deserving parents what they want, what they need. "I'll leave you with information on everything I've talked about," he says, indicating the folder on the bench. "If you have any questions at all, please ask myself or Liberty. And," he pauses, trying to find the words to put this stunned family at ease, "we're doing everything we can to give your son the best chance of a healthy life." _

"_Thank you Doctor." Martha says again, nodding as he excuses himself from the room. _

_Jim clears his throat quietly. "Martha, shall I buy you a coffee?"_

_Understanding the hint, Martha gathers her coat and walked toward the door with Jim. "Hey kiddo." she directs at Rick, waiting until he raises his head to look at her with his red-rimmed eyes. "One day at a time."_

_Smiling through the tears, Rick finds comfort in his mother's words. She's right, of course. No over thinking, no what if's. One day at a time._

* * *

They stood hand in hand, her supported by his other arm wrapped around her waist. Their son was curled up next to his teddy bear, nicknamed Ronnie. Stretching out a hand, Rick pressed his palm against the glass, and quietly, he began to sing.

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise."

Softly, Kate chimes in. "Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these sunken eyes and learn to see. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free."

"Blackbird fly…" Rick whispers softly, tenderly.

One day at a time. They couldn't touch him; they couldn't even hear him when he cried. Watching him breathe was all they could do; whispering a lullaby through the glass was all they could do. For now, that was enough.

* * *

_Blackbird, fly._


	4. Chapter Four

**Author's Note: So this chapter took me a little longer than normal to write, it just didn't wanna work! I really wanted this chapter to be lighter and a bit of fluff to ease the heaviness of the previous three chapters, which I hope or rather I believe I have done. And finally, some good comes of this situation! You'll see what I mean...Love your reviews :) **

* * *

"Come on, come on...oh yeah baby, new high score!"

Kate rolled over stiffly in the crisp linen sheets, grumbling at the rude awakening. Opening her eyes she saw her husband silhouetted against the window, hunched over his iPhone. Suppressing a smile at the look of determination on his man-child face, Kate clears her throat, alerting him to her consciousness.

"Blowing up more innocent pigs Castle?"

Rick looked around and grinned, starting out of his chair. "Hey, they started it. I'm just getting justice for the birds!" Stepping over to the bed, he leaned down and planted a kiss on his wife's forehead. "How're you feeling?"

Sighing, Kate sat up in the bed, pressing the button next to her head to bring her into an upright position. "Like I just had surgery. But to be honest, it's not I'm worried about." Smiling at the confused look on his face, Kate continues. "I'm talking about you, Rick. You look exhausted."

Shrugging, Rick sat down on the bed next to Kate's hip and took her right hand in his left. "Well that chair does nothing for my posture, let alone my body clock. I'm fine Kate."

Unconvinced, Kate squeezed his hand gently. "You should go home and get some sleep."

Shaking his head, Rick fixes her with a steady gaze. "Not a chance Kate. I'm not leaving. One for all and all for one, right?" Glancing at his watch, he saw the hands ticking closer to five o'clock. He'd managed about seven hours sleep over the last three nights. No wonder he was feeling like he'd been hit with a sledgehammer.

As if reading his mind, Kate raises her eyebrows. "I don't want you to burn out and end up in a bed down the hall. Dad and Martha will be coming in tomorrow morning won't they? We'll be fine without you until then."

Rick took the 'we' to mean her and their as yet nameless son. Spending a night away from the two people he loved the most would have been difficult anyway, but spending a night away from them while they were hospitalized; he just couldn't do it. There were too many what ifs, too many insecurities hanging over his head.

Shaking his head again, Rick reached up with his right hand and brushed away a strand of hair hanging loose. "You're not getting rid of me that easy, _wifey_. Besides, the nurses love me. It's an occupational hazard I guess."

Kate laughed and slapped his shoulder for the wifey moniker. "May I remind you, _Ricky,_ this hospital stay is not for the purpose of keeping your fans happy."

Chuckling at the easy banter between them, Rick leans close to Kate's face, lips hovering just above lips, eyes above eyes. "I know what this hospital stay is for; to get you and our little man fighting fight so we can go home and properly be a family. We'll take him to the park to look at the ducks, then to the coffee house on Manhattan Ave where we had our third date, then we'll take him home and watch him fall asleep in his cot, curled up under his blanket. He'll grow up into an intelligent little boy with his mothers' good looks and my charm, and you and I will love him with everything we have. That's what this hospital stay is for." Closing the distance between them, Rick takes Kate's mouth in his, claiming it for his own. Tracing the contours of her lips with his tongue, Rick revels in the moan that escapes her as she gives back as good as she's getting, biting his lower lip before sucking it lightly. A minute passes before breathing becomes necessary, and Rick pulls back, pressing one last light peck on the end of Kate's nose.

Kate smiles, trying to slow her breathing. She'd been through hell over the last four days but _damn, _that was a kiss. "Careful. We might get arrested for public indecency."

Laughing, Rick sits up straight again and plays with her hand still interlocked with his. "Never! We've done worse than that. Remember on our second anniversary, at the Haunt? What a night…" Rick says dreamily, eyes clouding over with desire.

"You're insufferable."

"Only for you. And our son; our beautiful, nameless son… " Rick adds after a pause. "So, I can stay?"

Kate nods slowly. "Yeah…I guess I'd be lonely without you. Although…I'm kinda hungry. Am I allowed to eat?" she finishes on a sigh, smiling lightly.

"Yes, you are. What can I get m'lady?"

"Mmmm…a really big muffin! And a hot chocolate." Kate says eagerly, her stomach rumbling quietly.

"Your wish is my command fair maiden!" Rick jokes, standing up and bowing. "I won't be long."

"I love you Mr. Castle."

"I love you Mrs. Castle."

* * *

"So…" Kate started, moving around trying to get more comfortable.

"Hmmmm?" Rick answered, concentrating on his iPhone, fingers working furiously against the screen. An empty coffee cup sat beside him on the windowsill, a cookie wrapper crumple up next to it.

"You got here after I'd had surgery, Lanie had obviously called my Dad…what else happened while I was in a coma?" Kate asked, picking at the half eaten chocolate chip muffin in her hand.

Switching off his phone, Rick shifted around in the chair so he was facing her. She was watching him with a curious look on her face, a tiny smudge of chocolate sitting on her upper lip. A quiet breathy laugh escapes his mouth, as he casts his mind back to the events of a few days ago, when he'd got the phone call from Lanie.

* * *

"_Castle."_

"_Rick its Lanie." Lanie's voice was rushed, concerned. _

"_Hey Lanie…is everything okay?" Rick asked, becoming worried. _

"_Its Kate. She's going into premature labour, and we're on the way to the hospital in an ambulance. They're talking about an emergency caesarean."_

* * *

"Rick?" Kate's voice sounded far away, echoing in his head. Her face came swimming back into focus, watching him closely. Blinking quickly, Rick gave himself a little shake and brought himself back to the present. The memories were fresh, painful and too real; he was still in a state of shock.

"Sorry…" he muttered, rubbing a hand over his face. "Ah, so I got the phone call from Lanie, and it was lucky she got through to me; if my flight hadn't been delayed I wouldn't have known until I touched down in Hong Kong. So I managed to charter a private jet and I arrived here about ten-thirty on Wednesday night. Jim was already here, Lanie had called him after she'd called me. He was with you as soon as you came out of surgery." Rick paused, thinking. "I guess Lanie and Javier were here as well, but they had gone by the time I got here. Kevin and Jenny came into visit on Thursday but you were still out." Sighing, Rick shifted in the chair again, trying to cultivate the rest of his thoughts into coherent sentences. "I rang Mother, and she flew in from California. Gary's going to follow in a couple of days, once he finishes up with a one of his clients."

Kate nodded slowly, taking in the information. She was so incredibly lucky to have the amount of friends and family that she did; she felt more supported now than after she closed her mother's case. "I hope Martha and Gary aren't disappointed that their business cum holiday trip had to be cut short." Kate had always liked Martha's long-term friend and, more recently, partner. They'd tried to deny their attraction for a long time, but a conveniently organized black tie dinner party at the loft for Martha's milestone 60th had resulted in the beginning of their relationship. Kate and Rick, and Alexis were glad to see Martha as happy as she was.

Rick stared. "Of course not! Family _always _comes first. "

Giggling at his incredulousness, Kate took great comfort from the fact that these amazing people where her _family. _Even after four years, she was still honored to be a part of a loving family such as this. Then a thought occurred. What about…?

"Alexis?"

"Baby bird is on route from Italy as we speak. In fact, she should be here in a few hours; I called her early Thursday…" Rick trails off, looking at his watch, calculating the time it takes to fly from Italy to New York.

"She's coming home?! What about her internship?" Kate exclaimed; Alexis had managed to be selected for a lucrative internship programme at a prestigious law firm in Rome. It was a five-month job, and she wasn't due home until mid December.

"She's decided the law industry isn't her thing. They'd offered her an extended internship until April but she turned it down; it was her decision, and this just gave her an extra reason to come home earlier." Rick shrugged, leaning his elbows on his knees and resting his head on his hands, watching Kate mulling over this declaration.

Sensing the inner turmoil going on, Rick carried on softly. "Kate, she was coming home anyway. Don't feel guilty."

Sighing, Kate decided to let it go. "Okay."

"Come on, I know what will make you feel better." Rick stands, offering his hands to Kate to help her out of bed.

Kate's eyes light up; it feels like years since they've visited their son, when in reality it was only a couple of hours ago. Then another thought crosses her mind, now that she's feeling better and more mobile. "Actually…"

* * *

"Feel better?" Rick's voice floats up behind her as she steps out of the bathroom, dressed in a pair of loose track pants and an NYPD jersey that her father had brought in earlier in the morning while she was asleep.

Kate grins. "That was the best shower I've ever had!"

Rick laughs, holding out his hands, into which Kate willingly steps. "Mmmm," Rick breaths in deeply, "I agree."

Aiming a light slap at his chest, Kate pursues her lips. "Maybe you'd like to try a shower sometime, cave man."

Rick says nothing; he simply pulls his wife to his chest and kisses her sweetly.

"Kate!"

Kate turns around towards the sound of her name and a large smile blooms across her face. Hurrying towards her and Rick are Lanie and Javier, their faces looking flushed from the cool wind outside. Kate starts towards them, with Rick following closely. Soon she's being swept up in the arms of her best friend under a wave of "how are you's", "what's the news", and "how's our gorgeous nephew?"

After the four of them have exchanged hugs and smiles, Rick fills Lanie and Javier in on most of the details; what the doctor talked about and how long their son could potentially being in the NICU. At the point when Rick explains that they can't hold him yet, Kate slips her hand into his, seeking some small reassurance, again.

Lanie and Javier listen intently; identical sympathetic looks glancing across their faces. A silence filled with a state of shock and disbelief stretches out between the four of them when Rick finishes talking; although for him and Kate, these feelings are nothing new.

"Can we see him?" Lanie asks quietly, breaking the deafness surrounding them.

"Yeah of course. We were just going there now." Kate replies, glancing at Rick to gauge his reaction; was he ready to share their son with them? A small nod and a light smile tell her yes, and the gentle squeeze on her hand gives her the confidence she so desperately needs to lead them down to the nursery.

* * *

"Ohh he is just beautiful!" Lanie gushes, staring through the thick pane of glass at her nephew, sporting a new blue beanie Jim had spied in the gift shop on the ground floor.

"He really is gorgeous. Congrats you two." Javier agrees, watching the small person wiggle and twitch in his incubator.

"Yeah we think so too." Rick says, looking at Kate who nods vigorously, adding: "Hey little man. This is Auntie Lanie and Uncle Javi."

"You gotta get a little bigger little man, so your Dad and I can teach you how to play football." Javier says with a laugh, lightning the mood.

Suddenly Kate feels a hand slip into hers; Lanie moves closer to her friend, offering her support with a smile on her face.

Smiling back, Kate feels stronger than she has done in the past few days; with her husband on one side, and her friends on the other, and their family supporting them every step of the way. "Thank you…for saving us." Kate whispers, tears slipping down her cheeks.

"We saved you then; that little boy there, he's going to save you now." Lanie motioned through the glass, nodding.

For a moment, Kate was confused; a feeling she was growing accustomed to. Understanding flooded her brain a second later, however. Their son was fighting; he was growing stronger each passing minute; like a tiny warrior. He wanted to be held by his parents as much as his parents wanted to hold him; and that realization shot through Kate like a bolt of lightning. While he was fighting, he was saving them.

* * *

It was nearing seven thirty. Javier and Lanie had left to go and buy food for the four of them, gratefully appreciated by Kate and Rick; standing by the nursery window in the same position they'd been for the last hour. Her head on his shoulder, his arm around her waist, and both sets of eyes drinking in their son. Quiet murmurs were the only thing that disrupted the silence around them.

"Are you sure? I mean, do you really like it?" Kate asked quietly, intently.

Rick grinned. "Yeah, I really do. It's perfect. He's perfect."

Smiling back, Kate's face lit up. Finally, _finally, _they'd decided. Turning her attention to the window again, Kate stepped away from Rick and right up against the glass. She watched her son squirming in his incubator, hands curled up tightly.

"Harrison Alexander Castle. What do you think of that little man?"

For the smallest second, Kate could swear she saw a tiny smile grace the little face before her, lighting up his cheeks with a rosy blush. Eyes welling up with happy tears, she stepped back into Rick's arms, and with one last look at their son, they said a quiet 'We love you Harrison,' and headed away down the corridor.

_Harrison Alexander Castle, this is your life._

* * *

_You were born to change this life,  
you were born to make this right,  
__you were born to chase the light._

**Cloud Cult**


	5. Chapter Five

**This chapter was a bitch to write. I changed my mind SO MANY TIMES, hence why it took me almost two weeks to wrap up this son of a gun. Anywho. It's another long one, woo! **

**Andrew Marlowe is still the rightful owner of these characters, except Harrison. He's mine. Oh and Liberty. Doctor Marshall. The other nurses..**

* * *

Two weeks, three days. Four hundred and eight hours. Twenty four thousand and eighty minutes. One million, four hundred and sixty eight thousand, eight hundred seconds. Each tick on the clock appeared to move in slow motion; every passing hour seemed slower than the last. And when the night fell, the darkness pressed in tightly; suffocating those who wanted the light that dawn would bring more than they wanted to sleep.

* * *

The small, one bedroom, motel-style 'family room' was…incredibly different from the spacious loft. Situated on the top floor of the hospital and a quick, twenty second dash down the stairs to the nursery where Harrison spent his days, the self-contained unit was a god-send to Rick and Kate. Not wanting to leave Harrison, Kate had been determined to stay in her hospital bed for the next six weeks and Rick in the increasingly uncomfortable chair, in order to be close to their son. That is, until Rory, the charge nurse, had pointed out that being in a private hospital did have perks and one of them was the 'family room'; a place for parents to stay while their children received treatment in the NICU and the regular ICU. So Kate had been discharged after five days, they'd spent an afternoon at the loft along with Martha, Jim and Alexis packing a few things and had been living on the top floor of the hospital for the past week and a half. However, the cramped living conditions were taking some getting used to, and the tension of not being able to hold their son was reaching breaking point.

* * *

Rick stirred the two cups of coffee briskly, inhaling the aroma deeply: the corners of his eyes crinkled, lightening the deep bags underneath as his mouth salivated with anticipation. After two and a half weeks of very little sleep, even the smell of coffee breathed new strength into him. Humming to himself, Rick picked up both cups and walked out of the kitchenette towards the sitting area, stopping short when he caught sight of Kate curled up in one of the chairs, her eyes closed. Loathe to wake her when she barely slept enough as it was, Rick stepped around the chair and, setting the cups down on the coffee table, quietly sat down next to her and shook her slightly.

"Kate. Kaaayte. Wake up."

"Uhum." Kate murmured, tucking her hands under her head more securely.

"I made you coffee. The good stuff too, not the shitty stuff the nurses were trying to poison us with." Rick said quietly, brushing a hand up and down Kate's side.

"But…sleep." The whine sounded like it came from a petulant child; something that generally caused a roll of the eyes from Kate when Rick complained.

Rick sighed. He was just as tired as she was. "Come on. Up." Winding his arm behind her back and under her chest, Rick encouraged Kate to sit up. Slowly she straightened up and opened her eyes, rubbing her hands over her face to remove any vestiges of sleep. Rick picked up the cups from the table and held one out to her, taking a sip from his own and moaning in pleasure.

Kate grinned. It _did _smell good. She took a mouthful of the hot, creamy liquid and closed her eyes again, savouring the taste and burn as it slid down her throat.

"You went home and got some of our coffee, didn't you?" Kate asked, opening her eyes again to look at Rick. A sheepish look crossed his face. Shifting over slightly, Kate settled herself against Rick's strong torso, leaning into his shoulder. "Thank you."

Rick leaned down slightly and kissed his wife's forehead. He understood that she wasn't just saying thanks for the coffee; _thank you for putting up with me and thank you for being here with me and thank you for going through this with me. _

Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, Rick pulled Kate in closer to his body, reveling in the way their two bodies molded into each other, a perfect fit.

"You're welcome."

Meanwhile the clock ticked quietly; tick tock, tick tock.

* * *

"Martha! Jim! Good to see you." Lanie greeted Martha and Jim as the former rounded the doorway from the stairwell to find the two standing in the waiting area, gathering their coats. "Are you leaving?"

"Lanie, how are you? No, no, we're just on our way to see Kate and Rick now. We were just having a quick coffee." Jim answered, throwing his thick winter coat over his arm. "Is Javier with you?"

Lanie shook her head. "It's just me today, Javi and Kevin got a case about an hour ago. And here they thought they'd be able to get away home on time!"

Both Martha and Jim chuckled at this; after being acquainted with the NYPD for the last eight years, they both knew how often a detective worked late.

"Shall we?" Martha motioned down the hall, and the three of them made their way towards the end of the corridor, past the rooms of patients, where another stairwell would take them up to the Rick and Kate's floor.

"Have you talked to either of them recently?" Lanie enquired, looking cautious.

"I haven't, not for a couple of days." Martha replied, looking at Lanie wonderingly.

Jim shrugged. "Not in person, but I talked to Katie on the phone yesterday morning. Why do you ask?"

"I…I'm not sure. I was talking to Kate last night and she just sounded…not herself. I know she's not really herself anyway, but she sounded like she was trying really hard to hold herself together."

"Well, we'll find out soon." Jim pulled open the door to the stairs and proceeded through it after the two women.

Seconds later, the three of them found themselves on the top floor, windows gracing the entire length of the hallway, filling the space with light. Together they walked past the four other family rooms and closed in on the doorway at the very end.

Lanie paused, listening. "Can you hear that?"

Tick tock, tick tock.

Jim and Martha stopped, waiting. Muffled sounds were coming from the room ahead of them and the pacing of feet was audible.

Jim hummed. "I think we're definitely about to find out what's going on. Come on."

Martha and Lanie following, Jim stepped forward and knocked on the door, a silver number 5 glinting softly. The voices inside didn't falter, instead growing louder and tenser. Looking over his shoulder, Jim raised his eyebrows at the women behind him, then, taking a deep breath, opened the door.

Tick. Tock. Boom.

...

"NO RICK! YOU DON'T GET A SAY! YOU WEREN'T HERE WHEN I NEEDED YOU! YOU WEREN'T HERE WHEN YOUR SON NEEDED YOU! YOU DON'T-"

"Oh okay, Kate! That's excellent reasoning! Because I was away on a book tour when you went into labour, _premature labour_ might I add, I'm not allowed to say that you need sleep!"

Lanie's mouth had fallen wide open; Jim's eyebrows had risen so high they'd almost disappeared into his hairline; Martha's eyes were bulging, her lips formed in a silent _'what….'._

Neither Kate nor Rick had noticed their audience. Kate was seething, her jaw twitching. Rick stood on the opposite side of the room, his hands on his hips, his knuckles white. The glares they were exchanging seemed to chill the room a few degrees.

"You don't know what I need Rick. What I need is to not see your face right now!" Kate bit out, her voice sweet and menacing.

"I really don't get why you're going off on me now Kate! I'm going through the exact shit that you are! You're treating me like this is all my fault!" Rick retorted, making wild hand gestures to get his point across.

"MY BABY WAS RIPPED OUT OF MY STOMACH! I ALMOST DIED! AND YOU WEREN'T HERE! YOU WEREN'T HERE RICHARD AND THAT'S NOT OKAY! AND I WANT TO HOLD MY SON!" Kate sobbed, tears falling thick and fast. Balling her fists, she stamped her foot loudly on the carpeted floor. "I WANT TO HOLD MY SON!"

Rick stepped back slightly, stung. "Wow. Your son? Now he's your son?" Breathing heavily, Rick looked down. "You pushed me to go on that tour Kate. Maybe if you hadn't, we wouldn't be in this mess."

Kate clenched her mouth, holding back a sob. "If that's what you really think, you can organize the divorce papers. You know all about getting divorced after all." Shooting daggers at Rick, she walked briskly out of the room, barely taking notice of the three people standing there with them. A strangled cry was heard from her as she half walked, half ran down the hallway towards the stairs.

...

Martha cleared her throat. "Richard."

Rick looked up, startled. Tears were swimming in his eyes and his mouth was twitching. "How long have you guys been there?" His voice sounded like a frog, croaked and heavy with despair.

"Uhh…" Lanie started, unsure of what to say. "I'm gonna go find Kate."

Rick nodded, turning to look out the window that overlooked the landscaped gardens around the hospital. The door clicked softly behind him. "Thanks." He said with a quiet desperation. _What had just happened?_

Martha and Jim looked at each other nervously, each uncertain of what to say.

"What…what was all that about Rick?" Jim asked quietly, his eyes on the back of Rick's head.

"Nothing. Just…nothing." Rick sighed, running a hand through his already rumpled hair, walking over to the couch and collapsing onto it.

Martha nodded skeptically. "Yeah right, kiddo. Try again?" Stepping over to one of the chairs facing her son, Martha lowered herself into it gracefully, placing her handbag on the floor beside her feet. Taking his cue, Jim sat down on the one other chair facing Rick, laying his coat over the back.

Rick exhaled heavily and sat upright, leaning his elbows on his knees, resting his face in his hands.

"We're just really tired and angry. And living in each other's pockets like this, 24/7 is…I'm exhausted and she's exhausted and we ran out of the good coffee. I'm trying to be okay with all of this, and I know I need to be strong for her and Harrison, but I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of pretending I'm handling this. I want to hold my son." Rick finished quietly, blinking his eyes furiously.

Jim leant forward slightly. "Stop pretending. You don't have to be strong in this situation, Rick. You're both in an incredibly stressful situation, having your son in intensive care; you're allowed to break down."

Martha nodded. "Richard, this was always going to be a completely shit time. And of course you need other people around to lean on and talk to, but ultimately, there's only one other person who knows exactly what you're going through. You need to talk to each other about how you're really feeling; you can't hold it inside like this, cause then you start arguing and you'll say things in the heat of the moment that you'll regret later. Harrison is in the best hands with these nurses and Doctor Marshall; he's getting stronger every day. But if, god forbid, something happens, that little boy needs his parents to be on the same team. You're a team, Richard. You're in this together and you have to work at this together."

Rick shook his head. "She wants a divorce, Mother."

"I'd have thought, after eight years together, four of them in a relationship, you'd know that Kate's in this for the long haul, Rick. You have a child together. Although it may not seem like it now, you're going to be a great family." Jim pointed out reassuringly, creating a surge of comfort in Rick.

Martha looked at Jim, then back at Rick. "Like I said, heat of the moment." Looking thoughtful, Martha cocked her head slightly. "Maybe get a bigger supply of coffee."

* * *

"Kate?" Lanie said quietly, approaching the figure hunched over on one of the chairs that were now permanently situated at the nursery window. Harrison had moved to the left side of the window, under a heat lamp, after his body temperature kept fluctuating. Something not to be worried about, Liberty had assured them.

Kate didn't look up, she didn't even move. Her eyes were fixed on the little boy in the incubator, his little blue hat sitting securely on his head. Lanie smiled softly when she looked at Harrison, knowing that Kate took comfort from watching his peaceful looking face. At the moment, however, it was as though Harrison could sense something was wrong; he was scrunching up his face.

"Rick was so happy when I told him I was pregnant." Kate whispered, more to herself than Lanie, who sat down in the chair next to Kate.

"I can imagine. Like the happiest little kid in the candy store." Lanie laughed softly, carefully taking Kate's outstretched hand in her own and holding it tightly.

"I was so worried that something would go wrong again. Rick was amazing; he kept telling me that this baby would be perfect. He even talked to my stomach, to the baby." Kate smiled slightly.

Lanie stalled; _again? _"Again? Kate."

Kate glanced at her friend with sad eyes. "I fell pregnant after we'd been together a year and a half. I had a miscarriage."

Lanie felt tears welling up in her eyes. "Kate. I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was only nine weeks. We hadn't told anyone." Kate's voice was soft, delicate. "So I was so nervous that something was going to happen to this baby, but Rick was so supportive. When it got to twelve weeks, it was like a weight had been lifted. There was nothing on the scans to ever indicate…_this._" Kate motioned through the nursery window at her son, and all the machines, wires and tubes connected to his tiny body.

"Kate…" Lanie gaped, her eyes wide. "…I don't know what to say. Is that what the fight was about?"

Kate shook her head. "No. We're just exhausted. We thought nothing was going to go wrong. But it has. I don't know how we're going to get through this."

"Kate, you and Rick are two of the best people I know, and you're great parents. You two are perfect together and you've steadfastly proven time and time again just how true that is. This situation with Harrison is stressful and tense, yes, but you're going to get through this because _you want to; you need to. _Look at me and tell me, honestly, that you don't. Tell me that you don't regret what you said." Lanie challenged, positive her friend wouldn't speak. And she was right. Kate merely lowered her eyes, letting tears fall onto her lap. Lanie continued quietly. "Kate, tension is something that every couple has to face. You and Rick have just been thrust into a situation where tension and stress are inevitable."

Kate stifled a sob. " I don't want a divorce! I love him."

Lanie squeezed her friend's hand reassuringly. "I know. Rick knows too. You're each other's one and done, remember? Harrison is going to be okay; it's just going to take some time."

Footsteps behind them alerted the two women to the presence of Rick, walking tentatively down the hall, hands in his pockets.

"That's my cue." Lanie stood up and, pulling Kate out of her chair, wrapped her in a tight hug.

Lanie walked the few steps to where Rick had stopped, looking morose. "Can I make a suggestion Castle?"

Rick looked at her blankly, twitching his mouth upwards. _Yes._

"Sleep. Both of you." Lanie briefly touched Rick's shoulder, then wandered away down the hall, disappearing around the corner and down the stairs.

Rick watched her go over his shoulder before turning back to face Kate, who was still watching Harrison. Rick walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. Slowly, Kate brought her hands up to rest on his.

"I'm sorry." Rick murmured softly, his eyes following the small movements of his son.

Kate turned her head slightly, her cheek rubbing against his nose. "I'm sorry too. I didn't…I didn't mean anything I said…Rick…please don't leave me. Don't leave us." Kate finished on a muffled cry, a single tear cascading down her cheek to her jaw.

Rick closed his eyes, breathing her in. "I will _never _leave you, Kate. I will never leave Harrison. Things were said in the heat of the moment, and I-I love you so much. What I said about you pushing me to do the book tour…I'm sorry I wasn't here."

Kate moved, turning in Rick's arms, to face him. She wrapped her arms around his body and hugged him firmly, burying her face in his neck, feeling the pressure he returned around her own torso. "I was so scared Rick, I thought I was going to lose him. Then I woke up and you weren't beside me. But when you walked into the room, and you told me our son was perfect, I knew everything would be okay."

Bringing one hand up to cup Kate's face, Rick encouraged her to lift her head off his shoulder; he slowly bent down and kissed her firmly, enjoying the small sigh that escaped her lips.

Breaking away, Kate rested her forehead against his; breathing deeply. "I love you."

"I love you too. Come on, let's go take a nap."

Kate nodded. Releasing his body, she slid one hand down to intertwine with his, butterflies erupting in her stomach at the touch of his thumb making small circles on the back on her hand.

"Deal."

Simultaneously, both turned their heads to watch Harrison through the window; the peaceful look they'd both come to know and love had returned.

"Good night, precious boy."

* * *

Kate woke slowly, blinking against the light of the moon filtering through the blinds, the stars sparkling in the Manhattan sky. Stretching languidly, Kate found her legs tangling with Rick's; twisting her upper body, Kate took in the sight of her handsome husband lying almost flush against her back and smiled softly at the peaceful look on his face. Rolling over entirely, Kate brought one hand up to rest on the slow rise and fall of Rick's chest, the other finding one of his hands and clasping it gently. Thinking to herself that if Harrison were here, she would be content to stay in this happy bubble forever, Kate let her head rest near the edge of her pillow, close to Rick. Minutes, or maybe hours, passed before a soft grunt and a long sigh escaped Rick's mouth. His eyes sparkled when they opened to find her watching him; licking his dry lips, he murmured a quiet 'hey' and pressed a chaste kiss to his wife's soft lips.

"Hey." Kate whispered back, bring their joined hands up to rest between their shoulders, almost touching.

Rick smiled tenderly as he stared at her, with lust flowing through his veins and desire flooding his eyes, almost forgetting they weren't in their own home or their own bed. Settling, instead, for another sweet kiss, Rick replaced his head on his pillow, touching the tip of his nose with hers. "We slept for hours."

Kate laughed softly; they'd lain down to take a quick nap at four, and it was now nearing eleven pm. Reading his face, Kate knew exactly what was going through his mind.

"I know." She breathed, wanting him as much as he wanted her, the need in her eyes reflected by the burning in her stomach. "If only the door had a lock…"

* * *

_Knock knock._

"Whozair?" Rick muttered sleepily, Kate shifting in his arms murmuring something intangible.

"It's Liberty."

Kate opened her eyes and looked up at Rick, his face alert and concerned; glancing at the clock on the wall, he could just make out the time. 5:31am.

"You need to come down to the nursery. Something's wrong with Harrison."

* * *

_It's gonna be a long, long journey  
__It's gonna be an uphill climb  
__It's gonna be a tough fight  
__It's gonna be some lonely nights_

__**Mary J Blige**

**...**

**I promise Harrison will be more prominent next chapter, [obviously...]. Would love you reviews on this chapter! Not to bribe or anything but..reviews motivate me. ;) **


	6. Author's Note

To all my dear readers:

I promise the next chapter isn't far away; life has been ridiculously hectic recently and I've been finding it hard to switch off and write, even harder to find the time! But it is coming soon.

Thanks for sticking with me

Alana


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